True Transparency

I don’t think I truly knew what this meant until I met my husband. Really because I am/was an amazing liar and in the past my common practice was to hide the truth. Telling the truth used to always get my trouble, nobody liked what I had to say and no one wanted to believe me. With my ex I tried to be more honest like with her, and that backfired hard well because she cheated on me and then claimed to still be in love with me. With my brother I was pretty lucky that even with all the ups and downs we have gone through in our relationship I have always been able to tell him the truth. My parents…FAT CHANCE. And when it comes to friends I will never lie to them because I don’t have a reason to. My true friends no that I am not overly nice, I am selfish with my time and if something they do or did to piss me off I will fuck right off. And then I met Lee and right from the beginning we were honest with each other to the truest of our being at the time. As we have grown together, as friends, as lovers, and in our marriage, He has proven it to me time and time again. I am not gonna lie when he came out being transgender and started mentally and physically working towards transitioning, I was scared that I would lose that closeness. Yes I have a very feminist mentality towards men still but I am working on it. So I was scared that I would lose that comfortableness in being vulnerbale emotionally with my spouse cause he is a man. The last 2 days I have been struggling a but with my head and my addiction. I did not relapse but my day to day thoughts have been pretty mean and ugly. My dark side came out pretty hard and I tried to suppress it as much as I could but no luck. Hence the tone of my writing yesterday. Last night Lee and I went outside to smoke some weed and just have little time alone before bed, and he admitted to not being the support I was hoping to have and apologized.
For any woman who does not have this in thier life…FIND A WAY!! I can’t express enough the feel of relief I felt with Lee seeing what I felt. Yes we are only human and we make mistakes but our love for each other has always guided us back to where we need to be. Yesterday he made me feel safe again, he is slowly breaking down the walls I have had up against men for the longest time. Now granted…I will very much say that my man is one of a kind; and the issues I have with men are still very much there. But yesterday Lee should be once again that we can be 110% transparent with each other, that we have no reason to hide anything from each other. I am so very lucky to have found the one human that was made for me! Don’t settle for anything less my friends, after seeing and feeling what I have. I will no longer hide who I am, not to my co-workers, not to my acquantinces, not to my friends, not to my family…to no one! My truth is where my magic comes from I am starting to realize. Using this blog has really helped me to be honest so just a quick thank you to whoever if anyone actuallys reads this 🙂
Blessed be motherfuckers✌

Published by La brujita Marii

A little witchy, a little bitchy. Married to the human that makes my soul complete. On a journey to self-actualization which leads me to have a lot to say. Fur mom to 2 big shepards boys and a itty bitty fiesty kitty. Working towards a career that with fulfill the purpose I was put on this world for. The rest you find out as you read. Blessed be motherfuckers!

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