Change is in the Air

Man oh man I am gonna tell yea today is a bitter sweet day, our roommate comes home from being away for 2 weeks. Lee and I experienced a solid eye opener in this. Have you ever just took time to reflect over the big picture of your life. For example what you want your daily routine to look like. What kinda people you want to be your friends and have close. What you want to do with your career. What goals you want to have 5 years from now. What do you want to have accomplished 3 years from now etc. So thats kinda the only place my head has been lately. I just don’t wanna waste anymore time yea know. I used to put my focus on all the wrong things, this week I got shitty news from the doctor. I am pre-diabetic…which was the one thing I did not want to hear, like I would take anything else but diabetes. I have seen it kill people, I have seen it change people and it will always remind me of my father. I beat myself up about it for a few days well because I am not stupid I understand this is a result of my own actions. Can I justify my actions, probably! But all I am doing is hindering myself at that point. See i do this to myself all the time…do a sober spell, which I mean is needed with my addiction disorder but still, then I cut back on weed to save money, then I find out I am pre-diabetic, my hubby’s vape broke so I gave him mine. And for the very first time I am not using any type of substance that feeds into my addictions. No usual outlets…and it is fucking hard!! I feel like a child having a temper-tantrum because all I want to do is indulge in what I have been using for comfort…which is what has been getting me into trouble for so long. I have never tried to fight my addictions, other then hard drugs, I went to rehab, relapse once and thankfully have been clean ever since from them. But that is an obvious one for me to know is a no bueno lol but alcohol=social, weed=chill, food=yummy & social, so like how do I even functionn around people now….I am learning don’t get me wrong. But its hard, really fucking hard. My addiction problem has haunted me my whole life, looking back now I would have been 11 when I started showing signs of an addiction problem…and im almost 30! But I have gone through worse, after my 90 days of no alcohol i get to incorporate it back into my life with boundaries. When our finances start to lighten up, I will be able to incorporate weed for the moments I feel i would benefit from it. And food…well I am going to learn how to have a healthy relationship with it…some how.
Blessed be motherfuckers✌

Published by Marii

Hey hey hey! I am a Bruja (Hispanic witch healer), a certified Intuitive Life Coach, and a online network marketer. I am married to the love of my life, we are both large advocates in the LGBTQ+ community as he is a transman and I identify as a pansexual. I promote an spread mental health awareness; from the knowledge I gained in my studies, as well as, my personal life experiences! I am an open book with a lot to say, so lets connect. Stay blessed!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: