That instant shift

Yea know I usually stay pretty positive about things but im struggling. Im struggling with the shift. What do I mean about the shift? You get to a certain age, stage in your life, mindset, or whatever it is to you that makes you change things. Change the things you want, change the things you have, change the things you wanna do etc. But I am an over thinker, and nothing I do or say or surround myself by seems to make that easier. So when it comes to the bad things sure I can see the benefit/appeal probably. The more you overthink the more chance you give yourself to not make that bad call, or to really make sure its the right call. But what about when its the good stuff. And you sit there and overthinking about all the reasons you shouldn’t want that thing, or make yourself feel shitty wanting something you have been told you can’t have.
Then overthinking is not really your best friend no more, doesn’t seem to have much benefit no more. And its not like you can just use it when you want it and not when it won’t work. Like if that was the case shit mental health wouldn’t be a thing. I hate it, my guilt is now just lingering over me but I am dealing with how uncomfortable it is and still standing behind my decision. I hate anything having an opinion on what I want. As soon as someone would opinionate, i would start second guessing which triggers my overthinking and causes me to spiral in emotions like guilt, anxiety, sadness. Why does sacrifice have to hurt as well, why does it have to come with a little bit of pain. But you know that it will get easier because you have thought it out. ugh that instant shift just doesn’t fucking happen. I understand that it probably shouldn’t happen like that, lessons don’t come free they may not always have to come with pain but i understand they need to be lessons.
I am working on making some major changes in my life, they are fucking petrifying because they are bigger then I ever thought I was capable of. But I am about to make my first sacrifice to work towards my big change but it hurts. When its closer to happen I will explain in more detail what it is. But this is my internal temper tantrum.
Blessed be motherfuckers✌

Published by La brujita Marii

A little witchy, a little bitchy. Married to the human that makes my soul complete. On a journey to self-actualization which leads me to have a lot to say. Fur mom to 2 big shepards boys and a itty bitty fiesty kitty. Working towards a career that with fulfill the purpose I was put on this world for. The rest you find out as you read. Blessed be motherfuckers!

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